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It was weird. I hit my mid 40s and suddenly, out of nowhere, I discovered a new way of wiping my ass.

A more efficient way.

And I got to thinking, what took me? This is obviously the right thing to do. But for decades, I’d persevered with this handed down, innate way of ass-wiping, however many rolls that took.

I had wasted so much time doing what was expected of me. 

Doing the ‘right thing’.

Suddenly, it became clear, I should wipe for me. And only me.

Right here, right now, life and all its endless possibilities seemed outrageously graspable and grabbable. I’d finally found the one true way. It was there for the taking.

Sometimes, you have to take all this by the collar.

Stare life in the face.

And scream.


“Kiss my ass.”

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