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Show me the shoes and I’ll give you the man. The importance of shoes, those that match the rest of your attire, just can’t be overstated. Shoes, shoes, shoes are so very, very important. Today, I am sat at work in my fine casual clothing. A pair of Duffs trainers, some great Phat Farm jeans and a rather scary, hair-covered black tee. I wear these not because I am an office rebel – although I am – but because I forgot to take my shoes along with the rest of my trouser-shirt-tie apparel yesterday. Duffs and a tight, ass-hugging pair of office pantaloons just don’t go together. Have had lots of “ooh, dirty stop out” comments from the kind of people that say “do mine next!” whenever they see someone washing a car in the street. Odd how much more relaxed I feel in my own clothing. Not that the shirt-tie-pants combine aren’t my own, but whenever I dress like that it feels like I’m part way to selling my soul to the boss man and am wearing his clothes. And such an hilarious boss. “You’ll still have to wear your tie,” he quipped. Yes, yes, and you’ll still be a wanker with an unoriginal line in repartee. Hello, if you’re reading this, boss man.

Ate lunch with Sam at a pub that looks out over the River Humber. My, what a depressing, dank waterway it is. Not helped by a look over the fence that stops people falling into this muddy mess, which revealed at least 20 B&Q shopping trolleys wedged into the river bank. Such a magnet for tourists, that River Humber. And dumb fucks that like hurling metal into rivers. A sign, perhaps, that Hull will never be a top ten city came today in the form of a house price announcement. Hull is the only place in the country where house prices are falling – by 2.5 per cent. Which is, perhaps, a sign that this is a dump (and not just for shopping trolleys) now and always will be. It’s already one of the cheapest places to live in the country but, hey, just as it looks like the prices will rise to realistic levels it rears its trend-bucking head. Why pay an average of £180,000 to live elsewhere when you can buy a street full of terraced housing here for tuppence (and falling). But will people take advantage of these great bargains? Shouldn’t think so, Hull is a racist hell hole!

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