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I now feel wracked with guilt that I only gave Richard Herring a nominal amount for his London Marathon exploits. 26 miles for a quid doesn’t seem like a fair trade-off. But there it is, lurking on the Just Giving website for all to see, nestling amongst the 50 quids and the odd fiver. I gave him a quid. A paltry quid. Perhaps I took ‘no amount is too small’ a little too literally. But Richard, hey, I really am strapped for cash. The credit card I used is almost maxed out. Then there’s the two overdrafts. The student loan. The phone bill, the npower bill, the totally ignored council tax demand, not to mention the parking ticket I received despite finding a “You will not receive a parking ticket in the next twelve months” message inside a fortune cookie just two months ago. Sorry. Really. I know you once gave me a sandwich – part of your extortionate dressing room rider – that was, on its own, worth much more than a pound. I’ve done you and your efforts a disservice. I’ll steal my mum’s credit card and leave something a bit more sizable. And then there’s the poor autistic children who lost out to Japanese food. But it was great food children. Please forgive me, then I can sleep again.

Dream #73: That I click on the link to my guestbook and there are 200 new entries for me to plough through.

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