Our neighbour, Liz, appears to have walked off the set of League of Gentlemen. I am expecting Steve Pemberton to wipe off the make-up and clamber out of her one day, during an inane conversation about how her fence blew down and how the cyst on her back is ripe for burtsing. “I saw Dr Mancy. Dr Mancy said, Liz, you’re a medical miracle. When we saw the size of that cyst we thought you’d have gone by Christmas. And look at you. Healthier than ever.” Apart from the oozing cyst on her back, that is. What a man returning from eight hours of work and a 1 1/2 hour drive in heavy traffic doesn’t need is a woman talking about the cyst on her back, quickly followed by an “ooh, you’ll be ready for your tea now.” I’d rather live next door to Papa Lazarou. At least you know where you are with him.